Forget About Goodbye
by amygerrard
Summary: Damon thought he was doing the best thing for Elena by breaking it off before she went to college. He couldn't have been more wrong. Canon-ish.


**AN: Happy New Year! I hope you all had a great NYE and 2014 treats you well. Now, I wasn't planning on participating in the DE fic exchange but I couldn't resist! It's a touch late what with Christmas being last week but I've been extremely busy! This is supposed to be canon-ish but any canon-y related mistakes, please take with a pinch of salt as I have yet to watch and of season 5.**

**Thank you to Kate for putting up with me and, as always, reading over this fic!**

**Title and generally my song for this fic is Goodbye - Miley Cyrus.**

**Enjoy!**

**Prompt (txvdfan) :- **

_Canon-ish (vampire Damon/vampire Elena - After having the summer of her dreams, Damon does what Damon does best…he breaks things off with Elena thinking he's setting her free - she needs to be able to experience college life without a boyfriend back home.)_

_Prompt: A reluctant Elena accompanies Caroline home for the Christmas holidays. As long as she's been away, Elena's been able to ignore exactly how much she's lost. But her past catches up with her when she realizes that everything she cares about is gone…her family, her house, Damon (what you do with Jeremy/Bonnie/everyone else is up to you)._

_Of course Damon is watching. It's only when he sees Elena crumbling when he realizes he may have made a mistake in breaking things off with her._

_Required elements: mistletoe, a mention of Alaric_

_Bonus points: getting Teddy back, a "new" windowseat_

_Rating: whatever you prefer_

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Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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"-even listening, right, Elena?"

Elena sighed, lifting her head up from where she had been staring blankly at the wooden floor. She offered Caroline an apologetic smile, though she felt anything but. She knew that the blonde was simply talking aloud, hadn't been looking for any kind of response until she had realised she wasn't being listened to. Elena wasn't going to mention that, though, knowing that it would do nothing but aggravate her.

"Sorry," she murmured as she pushed herself up from her bed and pulled the suitcase down onto the floor beside her. "Ready?"

Caroline huffed, throwing her handbag over her shoulder with a dramatic flip of her hair. Elena shifted under the scrutiny of her friend's blue-eyed gaze, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. She barely had time to register the softening of Caroline's expression before she was shrouded in blonde curls with thin arms locked around her waist. She moved slowly, snaking her arms around her friend's back until her hands grasped at her shoulders.

"I know you don't want to go back because of-" Elena stiffened, her fingers digging into bone before Caroline broke off with a sigh. "I'm sorry, okay? I know you're hurting and Mystic Falls is probably the last place you want to be but, as your best friend, I have your best interests at heart."

Caroline pulled back, her hands reaching forward to grasp Elena's in a gentle grip. "That's why I can't let you wallow here by yourself and especially not for someone like Damon."

Elena's lips parted, a protest ready on her tongue before the notion died. She didn't need to defend him anymore, shouldn't have wanted to defend him. That wasn't her job anymore because, God knew, he wasn't the one that got hurt in the fallout of their relationship. He wasn't the one left crying in his dorm room. He wasn't the one who had flicked through their photos together, finger hovering over the delete button but never finding the courage to actually touch it. He wasn't the one who had spent countless nights wide awake, haunted by the memories of them together.

He was the one to break it off.

The one that walked away, claiming he couldn't be with her. And now, what was he to her? She supposed she was foolish to think he would remain a memory, one that she'd never encounter upon again. Still, three months was a long time but, sometimes, she wondered if time would ever be long enough for her to forget him and move on.

(Her brain told her it wouldn't be long. Her heart told her an eternity wasn't long enough, not when he was a _part_ of her.)

Elena inhaled deeply, squeezing Caroline's hand before offering her a small smile. "Let's go back then, huh? We don't want to get snowed in and have to eat mac 'n cheese and cookies for Christmas dinner."

"Well," Caroline hummed softly, "I do love my chocolate chip."

Elena laughed, the sound almost unrecognisable to her own ears, and wrapped her arm around Caroline's shoulders as they dragged their suitcases out of their dorm room.

* * *

Elena's eyes drifted open slowly, the gentle hum of the engine lulling her gently back into consciousness. She scooched up in her seat, her eyes falling on the familiar buildings of Mystic Falls, now dusted with snow and lit up by a rainbow of tear-shaped bulbs. It was only when the houses began to drift by that she realised exactly where they were heading. Her heart seized, "Caroline, I thought we were going to yours?"

Caroline gasped, her foot pressing sharply on the brake as they jolted to a stop. "Oh my God, Elena, I'm so sorry," she whispered, her eyes wide with worry.

Elena swallowed, her eyes following the line of houses until she reached the one that stood out. Not because of familiarity but because of the burnt shell that lay there now, the snow doing little to hide the ash. She shook her head, her hand falling on Caroline's as she attempted to reverse. She hadn't thought of it much, her mind too preoccupied with thoughts of Damon to remember that he wasn't the only thing she'd lost. Her home, the one that had held so many memories, now barely managed to hold up its own structure. Her hand moved subconsciously to the door handle and, suddenly, she was stepping out of the car.

She heard Caroline's worried call of her name and waved her off with a promise that she'd call when she needed to leave. Her footsteps were steady, she heard the car depart down the road and then, there it was. The cold air rushed around her but she could still feel the heat of the flames. (Or was it from the shame of what she'd done?)

White had faded into black, solid walls crumbled and the wind whistled through the decrepit structure. She moved forward, her eyes watering with every step. Her hand dropped onto the snow-covered banister, the only thing not charred and unrecognisable. Even the patio swing was only hanging on by one rope, surrounded by shrivelled up plants, their stems folded over and dragging on the floor. Yellow tape marked off the front door and her fingers traced over the letters until they reached the rough surface of the doorframe. She pulled her hand away, her fingers coated in black and, as she rubbed them together, tiny shards of wood floated to the ground.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, a broken sob falling from her lips as she slid to the floor and curled up against the door.

* * *

Damon weaved his way through the gravestones, the only sounds were the crunching of snow underneath his boots, the rustle of the branches as the wind whistled through them and the gentle sloshing of bourbon against the glass bottle in his hand. He sighed wearily, slowly coming to a stop in front of the area of untouched snow that lay over the Gilbert family plot. He paused in deliberation, wondering if he was stupid to even hope that she'd be here. He wasn't even sure if she had come back to Mystic Falls for Christmas, wouldn't blame her if she hadn't. After all, even Jeremy had fled for the holiday season, deciding to make new memories with Bonnie somewhere else instead of being surrounded by the settings of previous ones with only empty space to share them with.

It hadn't stopped him dreaming, though. Nothing too complex, he knew that he didn't deserve another moment with her after how he'd broken her but that didn't mean he never wanted to see how she had mended herself. Because she was sure to have done so. She was a woman now, a strength in her heart that had flourished with every moment that threatened to shatter it to pieces. And he needed to see it, if only to reinforce that he'd made the right decision.

Because he had.

He knew that she deserved even this concept of a normal life, a fresh start with nothing to hold her back. Even him. Despite her protests when he had looked into her eyes and told her they weren't meant to be, he knew it was what he had to do. She needed to experience everything college life had to offer her without worrying if Mystic Falls was still standing in her absence because, if anything was going to pull her back, it was always going to be Damon. Of course, he'd considered moving with her and sharing in her new experiences, but that wasn't what she needed. He'd lived so many years and tried so many things and now, it was her turn.

At least, that was what he told himself in the dead of night when the only sound he could hear was the distant echo of her cries as he had left her with a press of his lips to her forehead and a whispered goodbye.

With a deep sigh that clouded in the cold night air, he stepped forward until he found himself standing in front of one in a long line of headstones. He ran a hand along the curved top, the snow cascading down the side of the grey stone, and lowered himself down onto his heels.

"Hey, buddy," he murmured, a fleeting smile pulling at his lips. He uncapped the bourbon and took a generous swig before splashing a little onto the snow in front of him. "I messed up."

A dry laugh escaped his throat and he rubbed a cold palm down the length of his face. "I know, right, what's new? But I did. I got the girl and... I let her go. God, if you were here you probably would have threatened to stake me as soon as the thought even entered my head. I kind of wish you had because I hate this. I'm just... _empty_."

Tilting his head back, he guzzled down more of the amber liquid and relished in the burn as it slid down his throat. "I lied, you know," he grimaced, his jaw clenching. He hadn't let himself say the words before now, hadn't even allowed himself to really think about why he had let her go until now. "I didn't just let her go because I wanted her to live as normal a life as she could. I mean, that was part of the reason, but the other part..."

He sighed, clenching his eyes shut and leaning his forehead against the cold headstone. "I was scared."

There it was. His big confession. The reason he hadn't allowed himself to truly dwell upon until now. It was why he'd avoided Ric's grave for so long, knowing that his best friend was always the one that could make him reveal any and all of his secrets. Typical of the bastard that he could still do so in death.

"I thought that it was better to cut all ties with her before she went off to college and realised that, you know, maybe the life she was building there was better than the one she'd left behind in good ole' Mystic Falls. That the people she met there were better for her than I could ever be." He swallowed past the lump in his throat and exhaled deeply. "Sometimes I wish that I could get a do-over, just make it work somehow. Other times I hate myself for even thinking of taking that chance of normalcy away from her. I love her, man, and that's the hardest thing of all. I want her to be a part of my life for eternity but I want her to have the eternity she deserves and I don't know if those two coincide. So, I did the selfish thing, I turned my back on her and took away her choice."

Damon leaned back on his heels, biting his lip to try and stop the words gathering in his throat. With a snarl, he sprung to his feet and hurled the bottle into the distance, barely registering the smash as it struck a tree in the forest. "I fucked up, Ric."

He turned, telling himself that it was just the drink talking and there was no truth in his words.

(It was a lie but he wished he could believe it.)

* * *

He shouldn't be here. Even walking down the street had been a temptation he should have denied but, now, when he could smell her scent in the air, he knew that he should definitely leave. Still, it didn't stop his feet from moving forward, his eyes searching for her and his ears listening to every whimper and hiccup as if they were a symphony.

There she was.

So small, as she curled tightly into a ball and froze. She knew someone was here.

(Who was he kidding, she knew it was him.)

"Damon."

Somehow that was enough to break everything inside of him apart. His name on her lips, something he'd never thought he would get to hear again but, it felt like all his dreams had come true. He watched as she hastily scrubbed the sleeve of her sweater across her cheeks, though her damp skin still glistened in the moonlight. She shoved herself to her feet and tensed, her posture stiffening and face hardening before his very eyes.

"Elena," he whispered. His voice carried on the wind and he shuddered as Elena visibly recoiled from the sound of his voice, her thin arms locking around her ribs as she shut down in front of him. "Elena, please, I just want to help."

He stepped forward, one hand raised in caution before her voice commanded him to halt. He was powerless but to agree and found himself collapsing against the railing, though his eyes remained locked on her tiny frame.

"You can help me by leaving me the fuck alone."

Her voice, cold and lifeless, sent a shiver down his spine and his heart ached with every second that she diverted her gaze from his. Still, despite her order, he stayed were he was and allowed himself to indulge in the simple pleasure of actually being able to see her standing there in front of him. For the first time, though, he didn't like what he saw. She seemed smaller somehow, logically he knew it wasn't possible for her to have lost weight, what with her being a vampire, but it was in the way she held herself, shoulders hunched over and her head tilted down as her whole body seemed to collapse in on itself. Her bones seemed to be locked in position, maintaining her rigid posture, and successfully closing herself off from the rest of the world. Her long hair masked most of her face and even when he managed to catch a glimpse of her doe eyes, they appeared duller than when she had left.

He hadn't made the right decision.

The thought erupted in his mind, sending aftershocks to his heart that caused it to seize in pain. He had thought she would be okay, that she would be happy but the girl in front of him looked anything but. He couldn't stop his body from moving forward, the need to ease her pain too strong for even rational thought to overcome.

She slammed back into the door with a loud creak as the wood threatened to shatter at the impact. Damon shuddered to a stop, his face twisting in agony at the look of disgust on her face, but beneath that, the heartache that she was so desperately trying to hide.

"I'm sor-"

"Don't you dare," she interrupted in a whisper. "Don't you dare think that you can just apologise for this and everything will be okay." She caught her lip between her teeth, worrying at it in an attempt to control the trembling of her chin. "I need you to leave."

He closed his eyes at her rejection, nodding along mindlessly. "Okay," he choked out, pretending not to see the relief on her face. "I'll go but you know where I am if you need me."

He waited until she gave him a slow nod before turning and sluggishly moving towards the sidewalk. With a sigh, he tried to stamp down the hopes and worries that threatened to invade his mind. One, however, slipped through.

Please let her need me.

* * *

He stalked slowly into the boarding house, lethargy seeping through his every step. He was drained, not from the long walk home but from the emotional turmoil that was battering his body from every angle. He collapsed to his knees on the rug and shrugged off his jacket. His fingers scrabbled for a match, shakily lighting it before he threw it into the fireplace. The flame licked at the wood, soon engulfing it completely as the fire crackled and burned brightly. Damon sat there, motionless, content to let the flickering of the fire cleanse his mind of all thought.

He didn't know how long he sat there for. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours but it was the sound of footsteps that captured his attention. He frowned, wondering who would have ventured out this far from town in the snow. He stood, awaiting the knock on the door as the steps grew closer.

He stepped forward.

One step was all he managed before the door flung open.

His heart seemed to stutter in his chest as Elena walked in, pressing her back against the door until it closed with a click. The silence stretched between them as they simply stood in front of each other, the length of the parlour separating them as neither dared to move another step.

"Why?" she whispered, finally looking at him for the first time. Her eyes glistened with moisture and she cleared her throat before speaking again. "Why did you- I thought we were happy. _I was happy_."

"So was I," he declared, shuffling forward.

She licked her lip, chewing on it delicately. "Then, why, Damon? I loved you and you- You gave up. You just, you gave up on us and you never gave me a real explanation. You just said we weren't working out and I accepted that. But, I shouldn't have because _we were_, we had finally got to where we wanted to be."

"Elena," he sighed.

"Just," she interrupted, exhaling noisily with a shake of her head, "please, Damon, tell me the truth."

"The truth, huh?" he chuckled the humourlessly. "The truth is that I thought you needed to get out of Mystic Falls, make a fresh start somewhere new with nothing to hold you back. And that's what I would have done, I would have held you back because you would always return here to be with me." He watched the tears escape from her eyes, gently staining her cheeks as they rolled across her skin.

"What's so bad about that? This was my home for eighteen years, hell, it still is and nothing that has happened here is ever going to change that. I burned down my childhood home and I lost everything along with it but that doesn't mean that I just forgot all the memories it held. Mystic Falls has been a really shitty place to live sometimes, yeah, I'll admit it but that doesn't change the fact that I grew up here and it doesn't erase all of the good times that I had here. I could never just leave, I would always come back because, as painful as it is, my family are still here and I can't just abandon them."

She paused, inhaling shakily as she dragged a shaking hand through her hair. Her eyes pierced into his, a determination and fire in them that he had missed so much. "But, that's not the only reason is it? Sure, it's a good one but it's not the only one. 'Cos, you see, I was really angry before and it blinded me. It was only when you left that I really thought about it, what you said when we broke up and I realised that you weren't telling me the whole truth, you still aren't. So tell me, now."

He grimaced, scrubbing a hand along the stubble on his jaw. "I t-thought," he stammered, his lips tightening. "You're right, Mystic Falls is where you grew up and it's all you've ever really known. I thought that if you went to college, you'd get to know a new place and w-what if you liked that place better than here, huh? What if you just forgot about here, moved on and never came back?"

"I could never forget you, Damon," she whispered, her feet stumbling forward.

He held his breath, watching as she slowed to a stop in the entry of the parlour. Of course, _of fucking course_ she could see through him. It wasn't Mystic Falls he'd worried she would forget, it was him. "Well, I thought that maybe you would and me, with my heart, I couldn't risk it."

"So, you broke my heart instead." She said it like a statement, clear and concise with only a hint of emotion. "I loved you, I truly did and you just- you stomped all over that."

"I know," he murmured, tilting his head down to look at the carpet so his face wouldn't betray the hurt he felt at her use of the past tense.

"But," she continued, "I hope you won't do it again, this time."

Damon's head shot up, his eyes wide in amazement as he took in the small smile that curled at her lips.

She laughed softly, "You're an idiot and I hate you for it sometimes but I can't deny that I still love you. You're an idiot but I will always love you because you're my idiot, Damon. So trust me with your heart because I'm trusting you with mine."

He grinned breathlessly, stumbling towards her until he had her in his arms. She sank into his embrace as he breathed her in, nuzzling his nose against her hairline. "I love you," he repeated it like a mantra, holding her tighter.

Pulling back, her cupped her cheek in his hand, circling his thumb over her cheekbone. "I'm kinda glad you didn't move," he admitted.

"What?" she frowned, the adorable puckering of her forehead causing a smile to appear on his face. He flicked his eyebrows up and, with a finger under her chin, tilted her head up.

A sprig of mistletoe hung delicately between them from the archway.

"Oh, I see," she smiled, looping her arms around his neck. "I believe there's a certain act we have to carry out, Mr Salvatore."

He arched his eyebrow, his lips tilting into a smirk. "With pleasure, Miss Gilbert."

Damon ducked his head, watching as her eyelids fluttered closed and her lips parted in anticipation. He pressed his lips to her plump bottom one, trailing his tongue over it before shifting up and sinking into the kiss. His fingers trailed over her cheeks before cupping her jaw and tilting it to just the right angle for his tongue to slip past her lips. She moaned softly, raising herself on tiptoes to meet his tongue with her own as her chest pressed deliciously against his. He anchored an arm around her waist, tilting back until she shifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist. Pulling back from the kiss, he nipped at her lip before using his vamp speed.

* * *

Elena's giggles erupted from her as her back connected with the bed, the sheets billowing around them. She swiped a hand across her forehead, trying to dispel the locks of hair that blocked her vision. Her hand was swatted away and she smiled up at him as he gently brushed her hair out around her. She lifted her head, meeting his lips in a chaste kiss before allowing her head to hinge off her neck as his kisses trailed across her jaw and down the soft skin of her neck. Her back arched as she felt the scrape of teeth across her jugular, the thrill shooting through her neurones as she tried to control her instincts. Her eyes scrunched closed as she tried to regulate her breathing.

"Hey, don't hide."

His hushed plea caused her to open her eyes. She looked away, knowing that red eyes were greeting him, but he tilted her head back towards him. She swallowed a gasp as his features morphed, mirroring what she was sure her own face looked like. She ran her fingertip over his fang, pressing her skin against the point until a single drop of blood sluggishly oozed from her finger. His eyes squinted at her and she raised her eyebrow in silent challenge. She twisted her finger, tilting it into his mouth as his tongue wrapped around it. He sucked on it tenderly, a broken moan catching in his throat as he sunk down against her. He released her finger, catching her hand to press tiny kisses along her knuckles before resting it on the side of his neck.

She gasped, feeling his fingers skate along her stomach and she raised her arms, allowing him to rid her of her sweater. He ducked his head as she felt his teeth pull at her bra strap, dragging it down until it hung loosely on her shoulder. He repeated it with the other strap before his lips danced across her collarbone, sucking on the skin there. She removed his shirt in one swift motion, throwing it across the room. His hands slid under her back and she arched her spine, smirking when she felt the release of her bra clasp before his muscled chest was pressed against her breasts. She shivered as the hard planes of his pectorals skated over her nipples, causing them to harden. His hips rolled against hers and she closed her eyes in bliss as his hard bulge rubbed against her clit with each movement. She toed off her shoes in a daze before her bare feet were pushing against the denim of his jeans. He sat back on his knees and she slid out of her own jeans and panties as she listened to the rush of fabric across from her.

Elena smirked, watching as he tossed his underwear to the floor before she pounced, knocking him back onto the mattress so his head hung over the edge. Her teeth sunk into the fleshy spot between his neck and shoulder as her fingers grasped at his length. She kissed his reddened skin as her thumb swiped over the slit on his head, her lips turning up into a small smile as he groaned below her. She tightened her grip, tugging gently as he gasped and grabbed at her thigh, hooking it around his hip. The air rushed around her suddenly.

She blinked dazedly at their new position. She tucked her foot underneath his thigh as she lifted herself from his lap and positioned his length. She sunk down on him slowly, her eyes closing and mouth slackening as each inch stretched her out deliciously. His forehead fell against her neck and she threaded her fingers through his soft hair as his hands skirted up and down her waist as they simply basked in the pleasure of them being connected so intimately again.

"I love you," he huffed, the sound muffled against her throat.

She smiled, tightening her grip on his hair until he tilted his head back and looked at her. She thumbed the skin beneath his azure eyes, "I love you, too."

With a slow kiss, they began rocking together. Every thrust of his hips and roll of her own brought them closer to the edge, their bodies quickening with each tremor than ran through them. She moaned as he kissed along her breasts before his hand slid down the centre of her chest, circled her stomach and sunk lower. A gasp stuck in her throat at the first swipe of his thumb against her clit, another two and she was gone, diving head-first into her orgasm. She clamped down, carrying him along with her with a loud groan.

They breathed harshly, their chests scraping with every shaky inhale. She nuzzled her cheek against his as his arms looped around her waist and they sat there, intertwined, as they basked in the afterglow.

Elena slid her foot along his calf, smiling happily as his fingers danced along the skin of her shoulder. She pushed herself up on her elbow, leaning over to kiss him tenderly. She pulled away with a lopsided grin. Her fingers trailed over his chest listlessly, her mind in a daze before she froze.

"Oh, shit!" she jumped, rolling away from him as she grabbed her phone. "I was supposed to call Caroline."

She grabbed Damon's shirt, draping it over her naked body as she scrambled around the room in search of her jeans. "You know, you could help," she glared pointedly at Damon who was lounging in the bed with his hands behind his head.

"I'm enjoying the view too much," he shrugged, ogling her legs blatantly.

She rolled her eyes at him but cheered in victory when she spotted her jeans lying haphazardly on the mirror. She located the bulge in her pocket and quickly dug into it to grasp her phone. Hitting the speed-dial, she placed the phone to her ear and held her breath as the dial tone sounded.

"Nearly three hours, Elena," Caroline answered.

"I know," Elena sighed, immediately contrite. "I'm sorry, I got... distracted."

"Does this distraction begin with _D_ and end in _amon_, by any chance?"

She paused, biting her lip as she caught Damon's blank stare. "Yeah."

There was silence at the end of the line before a huffed breath sounded. "Check his closet."

Elena frowned, looking at Damon for an explanation but he looked just as confused as her. She shuffled over to the closet, opening it warily. Her mouth opened wordlessly as she pulled her suitcase from within. "Caroline, I-"

"Look, I may not be his biggest fan but I wasn't lying when I said I had your best interests at heart and, well, the main one is obviously you being happy. He makes you happy and I had a feeling you two would work things out so I snuck in and dropped your suitcase off."

"Caroline, you're the best," she exclaimed.

"I know, I know, and you totally owe me lots of chocolate."

"Definitely!" she grinned. "Oh, and Merry Christmas!"

"You, too! Enjoy your naked holiday!"

Elena rolled her eyes as she heard the click that ended the phone call. She grinned down at her suitcase, pushing it away from the closet as she moved to close it. She paused, the door still in her hand before she leaned down and plucked a familiar item from within. She let the door fall shut, her hands turning over the bear in her hands.

"It wasn't just special to you, you know."

She jumped at the voice behind her before she relaxed into Damon's embrace as he pressed against the length of her back. "Oh, yeah?" she choked out, her fingers playing idly with the red ribbon around the bear's neck.

"It's silly but when you wanted to bu- _get rid_ of your house and everything in it, I thought that maybe you would regret it someday so I decided to save something. And the bear? Well, it just seemed right, plus we'd grown to be friends with all of the time I spent in your room," he smirked, hooking his chin over her shoulder.

"Thank you," she smiled, reaching back to palm his cheek. "And Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," he grinned, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

She swayed in the arms of the man she loved, holding the bear tightly to her chest.

* * *

_Thank you very much for reading, reviews are greatly appreciated! Amy x_


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